Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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