I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm passing your future prison.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
