sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
