I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
