matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He shit in the fireplace
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
