My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I look excited, but its just a facade.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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