the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
