Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
