He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
vagina is talking i cant
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize