Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
