RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
