I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
