i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
