I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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