I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
