You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
