Tell her she can't have a vagina
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
