genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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