so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
