Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
