I'm gonna have a badass scar
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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