I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize