At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In America we eat man semen.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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