My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
