I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
