I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
