I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
