Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
