I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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