What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
