Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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