GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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