At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
