my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
