Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
