Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
