I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Floor bacon is actually really good
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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