i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize