So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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