Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
