I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
