the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
