I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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