If i come over, it means nothing
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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