Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
