Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
