I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
