When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
