i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
