Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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