doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
