Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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