So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
