By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
