somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
