Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
