toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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