dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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