I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
