I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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