True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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