do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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