i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
